I’ve heard a lot of people say “I hate small talk, it’s the worst!” I totally get it. There are many times when you just don’t feel like striking up a conversation. Especially those of us who are more introverted. Let’s be honest, we’re talking about networking here.
It’s not that introverts don’t value friends, but there is a philosophical difference between extroverts and introverts. Typically, introverts will have a small circle of friends with whom they have very deep relationships with and they don’t need anything else.
Extraverts on the other hand will usually carry a large group of friends and contacts but those relationships by necessity aren’t as deep. They still may have a small group of friends with whom they have deeper relationships with.
Friends vs. Opportunities
Many people will say that they don’t like small talk or networking because they don’t need anymore friends. If you asked the same people however if they would like more opportunities in life, most would undoubtedly say yes.
Therefore we need to change our mindset on small talk and networking. Small talk isn’t to make more friends, it’s a tool to create more opportunities in our lives. Small talk also has to be seen as a small investment now into something larger you may or may not get a return on later.
This is not that different from an investment in the stock market. If you talk to the right people at the right time, you are more likely to get return on your investment. Small investments in small talk now can lead to big gains, but we don’t always know that ahead of time, or everyone would be fantastic investors.
What kind of gain are we looking for? That depends. Networking with people can lead to all sorts of opportunities in the workplace, in your personal life and beyond. Talking with a local on a trip in a foreign country could end up with an invitation to dinner or an insider tour of the city. One thing is true, your opportunities are nil when you stay silent.
Small Talk Can Be Intimidating
It can be hard to just strike up a conversation with someone, particularly if you perceive the person with whom you are talking to be on a higher level than you. A recent example of this for me is when I recently was interviewed by a Pulitzer Prize winning reporter for the Washington Post who came to our office to do a story on the recent heat wave.
Knowing that I would be a little nervous for this interaction, and I didn’t know this person at all, I had to do a little homework. The internet is vast in it’s knowledge and it isn’t hard to find out a few things about a person with a simple search. That’s how I figured out he had won a Pulitzer, lived in Florida like I had for a period of time and he was coming from Central NC, another area that I had lived in. Throw in the fact I do a little writing myself, and I had a ton of small connections that I could expand on to help the small talk and expand the conversation.
The interview was comfortable and we now have an established relationship that could lead to future networking opportunities for either of us down the road.
RELATED CHALLENGE: If You Want Something, You Have To Ask
When You Can’t Do Your Homework
Sometimes you can’t look someone up ahead of time and you just need to jump into a conversation you aren’t comfortable with. In this case, I always go back to the rule of people remember how you make them feel. People also love talking about themselves and what they do. I will always start with offering something as simple as a water, a chair or anything to make them more comfortable. This can be done if you are in the office or out to dinner or at a bar meeting people you don’t already know.
Next I always have a set of a few simple questions ready that I can pull out if the conversation gets stale. What do you like to do? Where are you from? Where did you go to school? What did you study? Simple things that will produce answers that I can make connections from. Instead of using google, you are pulling the information straight from them. Once you have a connection, expand on that and pretty soon small talk, won’t be so small anymore.
The Challenge For The Week
Start a conversation with three people you have never met this week and try to make a connection. Could be a co-worker you don’t talk to as much, someone you interact with at the store, or anyone else you have minimal prior knowledge of. See how many connections you can make with each person. You never know what kind of opportunities may come out of some simple small talk!
RELATED ARTICLE: How I Designed a Communication Exercise Using LEGO
Before you go…
If this content resonates with you, subscribe to our newsletter and join our community! We will give you updated content each week and a small actionable leadership challenge to level up your emotional intelligence and practice the human skills that we use every day to thrive. You will also get free access to our activity tracker where you can begin to increase the percentage of time you spend on fulfilling activities.
Our community grows best by word of mouth. If there is someone you thought of while reading this, please share it with them and encourage them to become a part of our community.
Your support means everything to us to keep our subscriptions free! Please consider buying us a cup of coffee to keep us going! After all, there isn’t anything a good shot of caffeine can’t do. We couldn’t do what we do without your support and generosity. Thank you for making us stronger! We appreciate it!
Will You Accept Your First Leadership Challenge?
Learning about Emotional Intelligence is one thing, practicing it is quite another. Just like going to the gym can help you level up your physical state, these short, actionable challenges will help you upgrade your mental and social well being.
