Falling for the Stereotypes
In today’s world we are constantly being put into echo chambers with those who agree with us. Social media algorithms will feed you content you agree with, while at the same time vilifying those you don’t. This is a daily problem not just in our politics, but in our parenting strategies, philosophies on work and life, and even how we feel about truth and science.
If we strip all that back, our own individual frame of reference shapes who we are. From the time we are born, every experience along the way shapes us into our own unique frame of reference. Individuality is hard to grasp because of its nuance. Instead of treating people like individuals, it’s easier to put them into boxes and assume because they are in a certain category, we must know how they feel.
You are a scientist, therefore you must not be religious. You are a Catholic, therefore you must be against women’s health rights. You are rich, so you must be greedy and not care for anyone else. You are poor, so you must not have tried hard enough to get ahead.
Individuality Tells a More Complicated Story
There are a million examples of stereotypes like these but everyone’s individual story is different. Society gives us a narrative of what we are “supposed to think”about a child who grew up without a father, particularly when that child comes from a certain community. When I say that, what comes immediately to the forefront of your mind about the father? Did you make any predispositions about the community that they came from even if that information wasn’t given?
The child who grew up without a father because they passed away from a heart attack when the child was very young is much different than the child who grew up without a father because he was a domestic abuser to their mother.
Every situation needs more context, but do we ever wait to receive that context? Better yet, do we hold our judgements until we actively search for more context?
Listening Gives You Context And Power
This week’s challenge is to have a conversation with someone who thinks differently on a subject than you do. Instead of trying to convince them why your point of view is correct, just listen. Ask questions. Find out more. Only provide your input if asked. Acknowledge their point of view and then thank them for taking the time to talk with you.
Process what you heard. What did you learn about their point of view? Was there anything that surprised you? By dedicating ourselves to a mode in which we are first only there to receive information, we allow space for the other person to be heard without them feeling like they are in a debate or being lectured. This puts coins in the bank towards you being heard in future conversations with this person later on and increases the likelihood of productive interactions.
Find Commonality and You Will Find Peace
Many times we don’t even realize when we are shouting at each other, whether in real life or metaphorically online, that we are actually saying the similar things and hold similar values even if our ideals of what that looks like are different. Being human is messy enough as it is. We have to stop putting people in presumptive boxes and start looking at people as individual human beings. each with their own story.
In today’s world it will be very hard to simply change someone’s mind by putting something up on social media and expecting everyone who doesn’t agree with you to suddenly be willing to change all their views and fall in line. But that is what we are falling for and trying to do every day. It doesn’t work. Extremism is winning but but 98% of us live somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.
The middle has lost it’s voice. The voice of compromise, of bipartisanship, of Independence with a a capital I. A voice of reason. A voice of compassion. A voice of hope. The voice of progress with a lower-case p.
How Will You Choose To Influence?
Each of us has our own little piece of the societal puzzle that we are responsible for and it is completely ours. So how are we going to use it? We choose what we put out into the world. Our exports vs our imports so to speak as I have written about before. I choose to export positivity. I choose to export optimism. I choose to export hope. I hope you will join me in doing so.
Enough is enough. It’s time to turn down the volume and listen.
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