If you have spent any time online recently, you have probably run across the phrase “toxic positivity” more than once. While toxic positivity certainly is something to be aware of, it seems to me that lately, as the world becomes increasingly negative, there is a drive to label any kind of positivity as toxic.
Don’t get me wrong, in this current version of society we are living in, there is plenty to be negative about. There are injustices occurring on a daily basis, life is not affordable for the average American, and there is certainly a toxicity to our politics.
The problem is that we are putting ourselves into a situation where there is so much negativity that we push back against any positivity that might try to work its way into our lives. The result is labeling some things as “toxic positivity” when in reality they might just simply be positive.
What is “toxic positivity?”
According to Psychology Today, toxic positivity is the act of avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions or experiences. This may take the form of denying your own emotions or someone else denying your emotions, insisting on positive thinking instead.
There is definitely a place for calling out toxic positivity. When everyone on the Titanic knew the ship was sinking but the band was still playing? Maybe that was a step towards toxic positivity. Likewise, you can tell when a friend is clearly upset but when you ask them whats up the response is “everything’s great!” when clearly it isn’t.
If there are things going on in the workplace that need to be addressed, but they are neatly getting swept under the rug to either to avoid conflict or to cover something up, there is definitely some toxic positivity going on and we need to be calling that out. But where do we draw the line?
Toxic Positivity Can Manifest Itself Around Big Changes
Large changes can lead to situations where toxic positivity can certainly come into play. Maybe there is a major corporate realignment and the company line is that it will make life better for the workers when the workers know that layoffs are on the way. The cheery messaging from the company is toxic positivity trying to suppress the emotions of the workers.
Not all change leads to doom however. In fact, many changes are necessary to advance as progress carries new technologies and methodologies forward. Despite this, people are naturally leery of change because it potentially presents a danger until it proves its value.
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There will typically be a split around big changes. There are the people who are early adopters and want to help shape the change, and then there are those that want to dig their heels in and do anything in their power to stop the change from happening. This group tends to be the one labeling everything as “toxic positivity.”
At what point does the crusade against toxic positivity simply become negativity?
There is nothing wrong with being a realist at work. Calling things out for what they are helps identify problems and can be a very healthy step to moving forward and increasing productivity and fostering a good culture.
But there is a time when this goes too far. This goes past the point of healthy conflict and starts to create a narrative where everything is so bad that nothing is or could be good anymore.
Julie helped out Sandra with her presentation? She’s just trying to look good in front of the boss. Manager brought in donuts for the staff? Must be going to ask us to work overtime this week. Suddenly anyone trying to do anything good or look at the bright side of anything is being labeled as “toxically positive”.
Are we not allowed to be positive anymore?
Another interesting split in society is between the optimists and the pessimists. Pessimism in itself can be a form of a defense mechanism. In the same realm as “toxic positivity”, an overly pessimistic outlook can suppress any positive emotions we may have so that we don’t get hurt later on after getting our hopes up.
I think on the whole society has swung the pendulum more on the side of pessimism than optimism over the last several years and maybe for good reason. We went through a global pandemic, and we already mentioned the political and economic situations.
But what is an optimist to do? By nature I’m an optimist and lately I feel like I am not even allowed to be positive or risk being thrown in with the “toxically positive” crowd. I have actually stopped myself from writing emails or having conversations that I normally wouldn’t think twice about to ask the question, “Is this too positive?”
At the end of the day, for someone who thrives on optimism, progress, and moving forward, it can be quite draining to live in a world where I may ridiculed for that which gives me energy.
What is the sweet spot between toxic positivity and actual positivity?
Like all things, I believe there is a balance at play here and the phrase, “all things in moderation” comes in handy. We have to acknowledge problems for what they are and address them as they come up. At the same time staying focused on solutions can help us stay positive without being toxic.
Watch out for those red flags, particularly those that use positivity to suppress emotions, whether your own or someone else’s. If it doesn’t fall into that category however, then be unapologetically positive when it helps energize you. Chances are you are helping to lift others up around you as well.
This cycle of negativity has put us in a place where sometimes we can’t see the good that is out there and trying to make it into our lives. There is enough negativity in the world. Don’t be afraid to let a little bit of positivity in once in a while.
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