If you read last week’s three thoughts you already know that recently I had to say goodbye to my cat Charlotte of 17 years. It’s incredible how much attachment we as humans can have to animals and how much they provide for us over the years. Certainly they give us more than we give, when you consider the emotional support and unbending loyalty they they have for their humans.
Trying to process this new reality got me thinking about how we go about moving on from different points in our lives and just how complicated it can be.
We Live Many Different Lives Simultaneously
No I’m not talking about double agents or split personalities, but the fact that our lives are broken down into many different subsets moving together to create the whole of our lives. The chapter with my cat was 17 years long, but there were other things going in my life during that time, all affecting me at various timescales and in different ways.
We might define a chapter of our lives by where we live, what job we currently hold, or when our partners or children came into the world. It could be time spent on a hobby or a sports team we played for. Unfortunately, it can also be defined by when people or animals move on from our lives or pass away.
It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times
When we think about certain parts of our lives, they can evoke different feelings. Sometimes those feelings are joyous and sometimes they can contain a tremendous amount of pain. They may be in the past or present, or maybe even a chapter of your life you are aspiring to bring to reality in the future.
Think about the emotions that come to the surface when you think of someone you loved who has passed on. Or how about an old friend that you have lost touch with? The interesting thing is that some chapters close on you before you want them to. Some you have control over and some you don’t.
The important thing is to recognize when a chapter of your life is ending so that you can take stock in the fact that you are about to start a new one. There are certain aspects we may be able to control about the next stage to set us up for success in the future.
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New Phases Provide New Opportunities
We may not be able to control whether or not a portion of our life begins or ends but the fact that there is an inflection point there allows us to reflect and influence what we do next. I couldn’t help the fact that this chapter with my beloved cat has come to an end, but it is an opportunity to reflect on and appreciate what it meant to me.
Now as a cat lover, the next logical choice would be to simply get another cat, but things have changed since that chapter opened 17 years ago! I now have a son, a dog, and plenty of other responsibilities that didn’t exist when that chapter of my life opened. While it made sense to get a cat back then, I can tell you I have a lot on my plate and it doesn’t make sense for me to get another one now. Later in life that opportunity might make more sense once again.
What Do We Fill the Space With?
So what do we do next? We re-evaluate and envision what that next chapter might look like. Maybe you are coming out of a painful time in your life. A divorce. The loss of a loved one that you were a caregiver for. As painful as that was, there is opportunity for new growth, new experiences and new people to enter your life and we can intentionally make decisions that can make the future that we desire more likely.
Whatever chapter is ending, we need to evaluate the space that it is leaving behind. What are we going to do with it? Sometimes it makes sense to leave it empty. If this is a big chapter in your life coming to a close, do you now have room to move to a new city? Learn a new skill? Start a new job? Or maybe it’s something smaller, such as giving just as a little bit more time to walk outside with the dog.
Sometimes We Overstay Our Welcome
Think about an aging athlete who at one time was the best in the game pondering retirement. Professional athletes spend the vast majority of their lives trying to make it to the pros, so knowing when it’s time to hang the skates up can be an unwelcome thing.
In these instances, whether it’s a sport, a job, maybe a relationship thats not working, we have control to move on to the next chapter but for one reason or another, we don’t. Usually, it’s the comfortable thing to do. It is important for us, however, to take a look at our situations objectively and see if it makes sense for us to stay and also what we may be depriving ourselves of.
In the case of the athlete, the likelihood of long term injury increases with age and despite the fact they may want to play longer, the risks and satisfaction of doing so may not be worth it. After the playing career is over, there might be another fulfilling job out there that they are missing out on or time spent with the family that they didn’t have while playing.
What Chapters are Opening and Closing in Your life?
Intentionally ending a chapter can be uncomfortable, but if we do come to the conclusion that it is time, our greatest rewards come when we take some of our biggest risks. What chapters in your life have you recently closed, or may be evaluating intentionally closing? Imagine yourself after this change. What could you lose by intentionally closing it?
More importantly, what might you gain?
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